Thor the Viking Sheep:

*dramatic music*

While Thor the Viking Sheep would much prefer a life of quiet pasture and munching grass, he is naturally endowed with might, and therefore considers it his duty to defend those who WILL INSIST on pursuing a life of adventure-by-storytelling. *looks at Amy*

Thor first took up his role of Chief Bodyguard after witnessing his author’s appalling lack of awareness to the dangers of such a life. (See Thor’s VERY IMPORTANT WARNING below.) Naturally, he’s been performing his role as Mascot of Epicness since birth.

Thor would like it noted that he is NOT a soft toy. His ancestors were deliberately bred to be small and fluffy in order to catch enemies off guard. In no way does this make him cute or cuddly.

Referring to him as such has been known to send him into a state of deep melancholy, where he refuses everything but food and drink. (i.e. Grass and Smead – a fermented drink made from something green that grows at the edge of his water trough.)

Thor would also like it noted that he is IN NO WAY named after a certain pop culture movie personality, but rather his Great-Great-Ramfather’s Great-Ramfather, who was named after his cousin’s impressively muscular pet lemming, who was said to have flown 4 metres in a thunderstorm before plummeting off a nearby cliff. (Reports say he was fine, although many of his kind have attempted to copy him since.)

Thor’s VERY IMPORTANT WARNING:

Dear Writer of Stories, *

As Chief Bodyguard and MOST TRUSTED ADVISOR, I must solemnly warn you… Do not begin this journey unless you must. The road is precarious – nay, perilous – fraught with danger at best.

Many stories throughout history have changed the world, which unfortunately attracts opposition from foes of world-changing and particularly epic stories. Storytellers themselves have often gone on to pursue lives of adventure (very troublesome for a bodyguard with short legs), or even fallen into stories completely, never to be heard from again.

Adventure is a poor life choice. Please consider a new hobby like munching grass. This is for your OWN SAFETY.

Sincerely,

Thor the Viking Sheep.

* Not in possession of a bodyguard.

Thorgrim Thorsson III

Thor’s Great-Great-Ramfather

before the Battle of Helm’s Sheep.

Thor’s Advice for Young Writers:

(Note: This advice may or may not be endorsed by the rest of the Storylights Team.)

“Stop. Go back. Find a new hobby.”

(And for those who absolutely must keep writing:)

“Invest in a protective castle. Keep good allies around you, preferably the fleecy kind. Find a loyal sheep bodyguard (although experts agree the best has been taken).”

Want to Write to Thor?

You can write to Thor by using the contact form on Our Community page. Thor may or may not reply, but will gravely consider your comments and/or questions (replying with a deeply profound answer if appropriate), and promises to humbly accept any admiration and/or praise. Personal questions permitted at Thor’s discretion.

(Note: Writing advice from Thor may or may not be endorsed by the rest of the Storylights Team.)

“Better to be safe than in a story.”

– Thor the Viking Sheep