Letters to Thor

Dear Thor the Mighty,

Before I begin, I just want to express how brave and courageous and bold and kind and honest and noble and loyal you are!!!!!! (times infinity exclamation points!) Now, I have a small question for you:

Are you willing to go on an extremely dangerous, possibly fatal quest to the TREE OF DOOM where you must pluck the GLOWING APPLE and eat it!! Now, normally I assume you’d say yes at once. But this treacherous journey might be the MOST treacherous journey you’ve ever been on. Now, what’s the point, you may ask? Well, that GLOWING APPLE is actually poisonous to everyone except for sheep. Since you are a sheep, and also the most heroic, you seemed perfect for the job. If you eat this apple, it will be gone, and therefore harmless. Trust me, this is logical.

Now, Thor, if you dare choose to accept this quest, please write me back as soon as possible. If you say yes, I will personally write the tale of this quest! In the meantime, I will write a less epic tale in hopes of getting your attention.

Yours Truly,
Brynn (Age 12)

Dear Brynn,

I do humbly pledge to attempt your quest. It truly sounds most dangerous, but I shall do my utmost to discover this TREE OF DOOM and devour the deadly GLOWING APPLE. Were I not a sheep (and thereby immune to said apple), I would still attempt to swallow it, if only to protect others from a most terrible fate.

Thank you for offering to pen a written account of all that transpires. I look forward to reading it upon my return. Alas, if I should die on said quest, please remember my grave sacrifice and warn everyone else about the dangers of eating luminous fruit.

Sincerely,

Thor the Viking Sheep (Chief Bodyguard and Mascot of Epicness)

P.S. Your less epic tale was still most epic and inspiring. Although the stringy-haired child was obviously a villain in disguise. Also, llamas are known to have questionable judgement.

Hi Thor!

I just wanted to send a message to you to remind you that you are ramtastic! You are the coolest ram in the entire galaxy, and your wise words are so inspiring. I know that it says that I’m ten but by the time you see this I’d be 11. I’m also entering the next competition about writing a story about you, I’m so excited to write a story about you, and I promise to make you seem brave and outstanding like how you are in every photo you take. I also have a genuine question for you as well Thor, do you like Chocolate ice cream or Vanilla ice cream? Or is there a different flavor that you really like, anyway, that’s it from me, Have an awesome day/night, and let our friendsheep continue (Okay, I’ll stop the sheep puns), Bye bye!

From Arii

Dear Arii,

I am deeply pleased to hear of your story plans. I confess that stories about myself are my preferred reading material, although alas, there are some who cannot handle such thrilling tales. This is most tragic, as one can never have too many stories of a very heroic sheep.

Thank you for your kind words. While other puns may be baaad, 97% of Viking Sheep agree that sheep puns are the highest form of language. It is not often that my eyes glisten with ramly tears, but yours were truly admirable.

Alas, I care not for icecream. As a tiny lamb I once licked a bucket of frozen sheep-milk, and my tongue remained stuck for two days and two nights. 

Sincerely, 

Thor the Viking Sheep (Chief Bodyguard and Mascot of Epicness)

P.S. If they ever create a grass-flavoured icecream, I may be tempted to try it.

Dear Thor, it is such a honour to be writing to you. What have you been up to? I admire your disguised attack by acting as a stuffed toy and attacking the enemys unsuspectedly.

From Eddie Chesswas (Age 10)

Dear Eddie,

I am pleased that you recognised the purpose behind my disguised appearance. Unfortunately there are some who believe that I am ACTUALLY a soft toy. (How I shudder just writing that.) Approximately one third of my time is spent hiding from such ignorant individuals and/or fending off attempted cuddles.

I solemnly hope such a thing has never happened to you.

Sincerely,

Thor the Viking Sheep (Chief Bodyguard and Mascot of Epicness)

Dear Thor the Viking Sheep,

Ever since I heard your advice about story writing (I must say, it is very wise indeed), I have posted myself in my personal castle to write. I have some very good bodyguards (My regrets that the best is taken!)
I wish that I could be magnificeent like you with a war hammer. Alas, all I have is a regular hammer that will never help me to be great and superb like you.
I am a fervent fan of your brave deeds and you in all your war equipment. You are definitly the bravest animal in the world.

I thank you for your counsel,
Freddie. (Age 12)

Dear Freddie,

Thank you for your kind words and admiration. I am happy to hear of your wise precautions before venturing forth into storytelling and assorted adventuring.

My deepest sympathies regarding your lack of a war hammer. Thankfully it is not mere weapons, but courage that counts. Even a small tool in the grip of a stout-hearted warrior can become a powerful weapon. If you stand at the entrance to your castle, brandishing your regular hammer (again, my condolences), you will no doubt still strike fear and awe into the hearts of any passing foes. Just be sure to yell loudly enough to draw their attention.

May the walls of your protective castle hold true, and may your pen be the mightiest of swords.

With respect,

Thor the Viking Sheep (Chief Bodyguard and Mascot of Epicness)

Dear Thor,

I read that you said maybe we should get our own sheep bodyguards. And guess what? I already have one 🙂
His name is Kevin, and he’s a Minecraft sheep (And he is NOT a cute stuffed toy, although he is a plush.) But he doesn’t protect me from writing stories. In fact, one of my stories that I have written (not for the Storylights contest) has an illustration of Kevin in it. He said he liked that. Should I train him to protect me and not write books, or should I just leave it? (I guess all the good bodyguard sheep have been taken after all :})

Sincerely,
Mara Scott (Age 10)

P.S. You’re cute yet fierce, and I love you. ❤️

Dearest Mara,

Thank you for your letter. Your very kind words almost made me blush (which would have been DEEPLY embarrassing for a fearsome Viking Sheep), but thankfully I soon recovered.

I am relieved to hear you have your own sheep bodyguard. Writing stories can be dangerous because it often leads to adventures, but with a good protector beside you, you should be fine.

Ah yes, you are correct in that the best sheep bodyguard has been taken, but Kevin sounds rather impressive himself. Make sure he follows you everywhere and always has his sword. (If you’re extremely nice to him, he might let you munch on some of his grass.)

Sincerely,

Thor the Viking Sheep (Chief Bodyguard and Mascot of Epicness)

P.S. Please pass on my regards to Kevin.

Dear Thor,

Like many I think of you in the highest regards. You are by far the bravest, most talented and clever viking sheep in the world. But there are others that think not. Our common enemy is the COW!

The leader of the Cows (Loki) is jealous of you. I mean why wouldn’t he be? Cows are smelly, big and huge cowards. Loki has started to collect troops. He wants to go to war! Us viking sheep are prepared to fight for your honour. But we need you to lead us.

150 viking sheep have gathered at the top of Mount Cook waiting for your arrival. We would be most disappointed if you didn’t come. We know you are busy as Chief Bodyguard.

Please send me an answer as soon as you can.

(From Bella, age 13)

Dear bravest Bella,

Thank you for warning me of this grave and dire situation. My scouts insist they hadn’t heard of this gathering herd, but I have since heard that they had heard and forgot to mention it.

(I must apologise for this delayed reply. Alas, an enemy carrier pigeon intercepted my letter before I reached the mailbox. I scolded it with my sternest Viking sheep war-face, which unfortunately frightened it so much that it took refuge in the nearest pine tree, and refused to come down for five business days.)

Cows are cowardly creatures indeed. And their leader… Ah yes, I have encountered him before. A more devious creature has never trodden these fair pastures. He must have escaped Oxgard once again.

I am willing to come to your assistance, and I humbly agree to be your fearsome, awe-inspiring leader. Thank you for fighting for my honour and the honour of all Viking sheep.

I shall bring the war horns of our ancestors to trumpet over the battlefield, sending terror into the oversized hearts of our cowardly foe. If we hold the upper ground of Mount Cook, we can surely start an avalanche on any approaching foes. We shall send those foul bovines sliding back to the hoof-trampled paddocks from whence they came.

By the time you read this, I shall almost have reached Mount Cook. Be brave, and hold the ground till my arrival.

Sincerely,

Thor the Viking Sheep (Chief Bodyguard and Mascot of Epicness)

P.S. Please excuse the appalling state of this letter. Pigeons are very ill-bred.

Dearest noble Thor,

I am so very pleased to announce our victory over the cows. It was a most brilliant idea of yours to bring the war horn of our ancestors. Without your cleverness we may not have won the war. We would love to thank you for taking your time off your busy schedule to help us.

I am afraid to say that some of the repulsive cows have got away, but I have sent my bravest men looking for them. There is no need to worry.

In honor of you we have renamed our village Thorton. In honor of you.

On November 7 we are hosting a feast in your honor. You do not have to come but there will be plenty of green grass and butterbeer.

Until we meet again

Your fellow viking sheep, Bella.

Dear Bella, O bravest fellow Viking Sheep,

I am deeply humbled by your flattering words. My long departed Grandmaaa would have shed a tear to hear of your village’s new name. She often wept at her grandlambs’ noble actions, but never carried a handerchief on account of her highly absorbent wool. (Although once she had to be wrung out.)

Thorton is a most noble name that will no doubt inspire much bravery and doing of daring deeds.

It was an honour to fight beside you and your brave companions. Never have I feasted with a merrier flock. I do hope those remaining cows didn’t cause any further trouble.

Sincerely,

Thor the Viking Sheep (Chief Bodyguard and Mascot of Epicness)

Dear THOR THE VIKING SHEEP,

May I just say–it is such an honour to even be WRITING to you!

I simply cannot stress enough the admiration and respect that I have acquired for you. Your regal appearance is unquestionably superb, and your confident way of speech is undeniably superior. Your advice on the dangers of writing is something that I have truly taken to heart; I now never write a single word without wearing a safety helmet and having a trusty sword by my side.

My question to you is simple, and I am sure that such a worthy-minded sheep (like yourself) will have no trouble answering it. How on Earth do you do it? What is your secret to success? How do you keep such a respected appearance?

Thank you for taking some precious time out of your VERY busy day to answer such a little, insignificant question. You are indisputably my favorite sheep on the planet.

Respectfully,

Theodora Margrietha S. DeMoss (Age 12)

Dearest, most noble Theodora,

Thank you for your deeply kind and Very True words. Unfortunately, my secret to success is not something I can easily pass on, as it’s mostly due to being born with might and a rather heroic sheeply nature. However, I do have one secret I may pass on to you. Guard it well.

We Viking sheep have long believed in the importance of cleanliness, and although it is a great trial that will test even the bravest of souls, we insist on undergoing a yearly bath. (A stone water trough works well, in my experience.)

Alas, a bath can be a great difficulty and inconvenience for me, as for the first half I tend to float on my back (due to the impressive thickness of my wool), but about halfway through I sink to the bottom and remain there, like a soggy but still impressive-looking sponge.

My advice to you would be to take your yearly bath also. Perhaps with your lack of wool (my deepest sympathies) it will be somewhat easier. Then you too can keep up an impressively respected appearance, inspiring all around you. I do hope you are able to find a suitable water trough in a nearby paddock.

Sincerely,

Thor the Viking Sheep (Chief Bodyguard and Mascot of Epicness)

P.S. I am glad to hear you are so well protected. There is an appalling lack of qualified sheep bodyguards these days, as you may have noticed. I’m currently attempting to train up a class of domestic cats for this purpose, but so far am having trouble herding them together.

Dear Thor,

May I tell thou how much I adore thy fluffiness, as I write this thy hammer and helmet are most noble, I do not have a question, merely a thank you. For your bravery and thy manly fluffiness, unfortunately as I write this my brothers mock me for writing to the Chief Bodyguard and Mascot of Epicness, I glare at them, they just laugh all the harder, so I have banished them to their room, I hope thou busy day calms down.

– Your friend and fellow Nordian, Nathalie (Age 11)

P.S. Polish thou most magnificent hammer well.

Dearest Nathalie (fellow Nordian of the very fine words),

I humbly thank thee for acknowledging the manliness of my fluffiness. Alas, there are some who act as if small and fluffy meant “adorable,” a word known to send shivers down many a woolly spine. I myself have often been chased by hoards of old ladies and small children, all determined to embrace me. (Very troublesome in the midst of a battle.)

Ah, brothers. I have none of my own, but I do have a small and very annoying niece who tries to follow me to Important Places involving Dangerous Activities, even though she’s but a lamb. I suspect your brothers are deeply jealous, wishing that they too could have the privelege of writing to a most impressive and brave Viking Sheep. It is understandable.

As I write this, three common sheep are sniggering at me outside my window. (Probably because I’m using a computer, or maybe because I have to stand on the desk to reach the keys.) I wish I could banish them to their room also, but alas, they live in a paddock. 

May your grass be ever sweet,

Sincerely,

Thor the Viking Sheep (Chief Bodyguard and Mascot of Epicness)

P.S. My most magnificent hammer now shineth like the sun.